The easiest topic for men to talk about openly: sex.
The most difficult topic for men to talk about openly: our struggles with sexual temptation.
It's an issue that all men deal with at some time or another. For almost all of us, it's a constant battle that we never seem to be able to win. As Christian men, we are called to eliminate every hint of sexual impurity. Colossians 3:5-6 (as well as many other verses throughout the Old and New Testaments) commands us to "put to death" our "sexual immorality, lust, evil desires, and greed."
How many of us can honestly say we've done this? In such a sexually charged society, where we're surrounded by impure imagery everywhere we go, we almost always surrender, thinking there's just too much we have to avoid. You can't even go to the grocery store without seeing half-dressed teens on magazine covers in the checkout line! We sissy out, and stare at the world around us as if searching for these kinds of images, even though we know how visuals affect us. I say MAN UP! Fight for what you believe in!
What most women don't realize is that visual imagery is a form of foreplay for men. Call us perverts or dirty-old-men all you want, but every time you wear revealing clothing (or form-fitting clothing that accentuates your curves), you're displaying an open invitation for every man who sees you to take you to bed in their minds. PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, WEAR MODEST CLOTHING! It's bad enough having to close my eyes through movies that I've paid ever-increasing theater prices for... but I shouldn't have to close my eyes at church because of all the short skirts and low-cut tops!
Some of you might be asking, "What? Close your eyes for what?" Those of us who are truly fighting the battle (instead of surrendering to our lust) understand the huge impact that our eyes have on us. It's an unstoppable physiological response: when we see some of nature's goodness, our hormones respond without ever asking the brain what it thinks about that idea. And so, the first and most important step for us men who want to win this war once and for all is to stop our eyes from getting that kind of input.
This is ridiculously hard to do, though. You'd almost have to lock yourself in a small box all by yourself, or go everywhere with your eyes closed, in order to accomplish this. However, there's a simple rule that we can follow that helps tremendously: the first look is natural (just as a simple observation of our surroundings); the second look (or a lingering look) is a choice. Men, try this: next time you see a woman half-exposing herself at Wal~Mart, look away instead of staring. Or, try this: next time you watch a movie, close your eyes whenever there's cleavage, nudity, or anything else that strikes your fancy (it helps to have a female companion tell you when it's over so you can watch the rest of the movie).
If you're thinking, I just don't WANT to look away, then think about this: every time your eyes linger, you're stealing. If a woman at Wal~Mart bends over, exposing her cleavage or a glimpse under her too-short skirt, and you look at it, you're stealing something that belongs to another man. Even if a woman exposes herself on purpose (prostitutes, pornstars, and the like), you're still stealing something that doesn't belong to you. And if you say, "Oh, but I'm paying those people!" then you're in an even worse boat. Try thinking about it this way: would you allow someone to rent your wife for a night? No! MAN UP!
If you're a man who struggles with sexual impurity in your eyes, mind, heart, or in any other way, I recommend the book: Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time, by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, with Mike Yorkey (link to follow). I haven't finished reading it yet, but basically, the book outlines what our problem is, why it's a problem, how the problem occurs, and where we go from here. If you're not married yet, it will help you understand that marriage doesn't make the problem go away, and it'll help prepare you for the relationship God wants you to have with your future spouse.
If you're a woman who wants a better understanding of what men struggle with, this book is for you. However, I would caution that you don't force it upon your husband. He'll have to make the decision to fight this battle on his own. He will definitely need your help, though! If you're not married yet, I strongly recommend that you talk openly about sexual purity with every man you court. He'll need to know what you expect of him, and you'll also need to know how to help him achieve it.
One last time, men: don't be a sissy. If you know you're doing something that hurts you, hurts your family, hurts your relationship with God, but you're still doing it anyway, then it's time to MAN UP! Get your bible out. Get this book, if you think it'll help. Get counselling if you're in too deep to get yourself out. Find ways to put unbreakable walls between yourself and your particular struggles, whether pornography, masturbation, sleeping around, paying for sex, lingerie catalogs, fantasies, incest, homosexual tendencies, orgies, or any other kind of sexual impurity.
From a man who has been there, is there, and is fighting right alongside you: you can do it! We can do it together! We don't have to be slaves to our sin any longer! We can choose to be better men! We can live better lives than these!
Every Man's Battle on Amazon.com
Every Man's Battle on BooksAMillion.com
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